huh...really.

a great weekend the kids did have. spent time with our families, even an unexpected visitor which i was so happy to see, but it wasn't for me. I mean it was so great to see the kids enjoying themselves swimming, going to the zoo, just having a ball with their cousins. I'm sure they couldn't ask for more, well maybe! And I know life now isn't all about me anymore. That stopped almost 6 years ago. I wouldn't change having my kids at all. I love them more than words can even say. This blog is about me. I just feel that this life,aside from my kids, had been chosen for me. I had no say and this is what it is. I have too many bad genes that even i , supermom, can't fix. I let people take advantage of me too easily because I don't want to hurt anyone. But in the end, I'm only hurting myself. I grew up seeing horrible things and meeting horrible people, I don't want that anymore. I'm tired of living in someone else's shoes. I lost mine a long time ago, and i'd really like to have my own! I cleansed myself of one bad habbit only to pick up another. I cleasned my body of toxins only to become ill-er. I keep wondering when is the bridge going to give way? I could say I need a vacation but i'd still be coming back to same old same old. I'm not sure if I dream big or just wish I would've had a chance to choose, but for whatever reason it may be...here I am. This is me. Like it or leave it, I don't give a whoot anymore!..lol. Someday, I'll be better. And I'll be strong again. And I'll be healthy and everything I've always wated to be. Beautiful, wise, strong, and un-damaged...and of course the best parent I can be.